Smoke on the Water

Smoke on the Water

A Carolina Paddler article

By Alton Chewning

It’ s not unusual to be paddling on a local lake and to come across something unusual. Returning from a paddle, as I approached the landing I noticed an object  resembling a section of  boat dock somehow detached and floating freely. On the dock were two young men sitting on saddles and nervously paddling. The dock’s primary stability was not impressive. The guys were shifting frenetically to keep it from diving to port or starboard. Soon the paddle-dock made land and a passing dog walker asked the obvious question, “What is that?”

I pulled in just in time to hear the explanation. “It’s a boat”, one of the guys said. They made the ship to enter a competition. This is getting good, I thought. Turns out the two boat builders, Jeff and Todd, were seasoned competitors. Their boat was headed to the Charlotte White Water Center for the Build Your Own Boat event several days later.

They explained the BYOB vessels were built with a theme or style. Theirs was a miniature backyard barbecue, complete with a smoking cooker, picnic table, benches and cooler. Their team name?  Smoke on the Water.

This wasn’t their first barbecue. Jeff and Todd competed the two previous years. I ventured if they kept this up they could get sponsors. They modestly explained, “We had sponsorship last year” and named a popular southern fast-food chain. Jeff said, “They offered to sponsor us again this year but we turned them down. They wanted us to have the same theme”. The guys passed on the money, deciding to maintain their artistic integrity and to explore a new style.

At this point, the Smoke team may be stronger on stylistic ingenuity than engineering skills. The boat’s upper deck (the lawn) was covered in plastic turf and rested on a double-wide camping air mattress, held in place by plastic tubing. I noted with concern, “The platform extends a foot beyond the mattress on all sides.” They explained the competition rules limited the materials they could use. No long straps, for instance. No plywood thicker than ¼”. The Smoke builders were using what they could pull together in a few days.

Jeff and Todd had their priorities right. Don’t take the project too seriously, have fun, meet people.  I wasn’t able to go to the competition but I asked them to have their families take photos.

The weekend was rainy so I wondered how it would affect Smoke on the Water. I called Monday and talked with Jeff. Jeff admitted they didn’t smoke the competition but he said, “A lot of people loved it. The style was important, we wanted to make it look cool and people loved the theme.”

The event officials required a float test the day before. Vessels and teams staged in the WWC upper pond and were required to paddle to a buoy and back. The SOW boat/dock/yard performed so well an official remarked, “You guys made it look easy.”

The crowds were thinner on the event day than in previous years. A steady rain deterred many. Todd and Jeff’s families were there in force and parked near the first drop, cameras ready.

The WWC requires a safety check for participants. Along with helmets and PFD’s the officials wanted to make sure the contestants can handle a swim on the stout Competition waters. Participants were shown how to properly catch and hold a safety rope thrown by one of the “river guards” lining the channel. During the safety check the course officials helpfully pointed out many of the contestants would be swimming before finishing the channel.

An armada of over 50 teams signed up for the event. They would be judged on three criteria. Did they finish the course, making it down the final Big Drop in one piece? How fanciful was their design, the “style”?  What team thrilled and delighted the audience?

In Jeff and Todd’s first year they completed the channel, a triumph in itself. The next year they crashed at the first rapid, immediately in front of their concerned families. What was on the menu this year? Would they be cooking… or would they flame out?

The event rules limit the boat weight to 150 lbs. Todd and Jeff had struggled to keep down the weight each year. A heavy boat is even more of a liability with launching.  The normal ramps aren’t used and the boats must be hand carried a healthy distance to the put-in. Putting a bottom skirt around the dock would have been useful in containing the air mattress but keeping the weight down was more desirable.

And then it was their time. Todd and Jeff launched into the violent water. In seconds, the air mattress was pushed out from below the deck and as Jeff said, “We fell apart quickly.” Once again their demise happened directly in front of their families. Jeff and Todd couldn’t help but think, “Are our families jinxing us? Are they the reason our ships wrecked?” A reasonable thought by any competitor, so next year, they vow to have their families positioned at he end of the course, so Jeff and Todd can cruise by triumphantly.

Yes, there will be a next year. The team is already considering a style concept. Something very meta, very looking outside in. A concept well suited to the right sponsor.  And they pledge to start work on their BYOB cruiser more than a week before the event.

Next year’s vessel will be a grand concept but they must keep it a secret for now. Loose lips sink ships.